The promised self-absorbed and/or political/pointless musings/rants; the stuff I’m interested in that isn’t to do with hosiery/lingerie/sexyfun; sexual health (safe sex is sexy); sex worker rights; some kinda-sorta-feministy ethical stuff; other assorted sexuality notes. Take with a few pinches of salt.

I used to be a regular activist: a familiar face at protests of every kind, from environmentalism, to nuclear power, to feminist struggles and free education. I could have papered my whole flat in flyers and posters and protest literature. After a while, I burnt out and got sick and tired of never seeming to make a difference, no matter how many people chained themselves to whatever, no matter how many miles walked in whatever weather or how many hours were spent persuading people to care about things they manifestly did not give a shit about. I mostly stopped being an activist because I started realising that I was changing more minds sitting down with people in pubs and actually talking to them, writing polemics on the Internet and frankly seeming to achieve about the same or more social change without leaving my bedroom. And now I mostly achieve social change by sucking off people who have the power to change things, and gratifyingly I also get paid for this. When I heard the news about Petite Jasmine (on twitter, actually), I was actually surprised at how it affected me. I am ashamed that I take for granted that sex…(Read More)

An Erotic Education

  I mentioned during my talk at White Rabbit (the picture below is the lovely WR Boutique) last week that there’s no “school for sex workers” – no diploma program where you learn all the things you need to know for this industry: business skills, sexual health, counselling skills, let alone anything involving your kegels. But it’s equally true that there’s nowhere to go and learn to be a good client- and worst of all, it’s difficult enough learning how to be a good lover at all! I’ve covered the main points about what I like in a client in this old post, but how to be a good lover is a bit different to that. For some sex workers, all their clients are lovers, for others, only some and for others none at all. If you are a client and you aren’t satisfied with how your sex worker interacts with you, then talk about it with them and if there aren’t changes that you can make together to make the experience better then ask for a recommendation to another provider. It’s ok to try out providers the same way it’s ok to try out therapists – you have to pay…(Read More)

Casual Whorephobia: the week that was…

Those of you who follow my twitter aren’t going to be at all surprised at what I’m about to write. Those of you without twitter may have been spared some exposure to the following happenings, but you’ll no doubt recognise the phenomenon when I have explained it.   Yesterday morning a retweet appeared in my timeline, from @realmrscommuter to an escort I was vaguely aware of, mostly because of her fabulous name -@minxy_lydia. The offending tweet said: “I also understand you’re an escort, not really what I want following me.” (The featured image above is Lydia looking minxy by the way…)   I was offended for Lydia: the wording is offensive (sex workers are people, not things- the tweet should have read “not who I want following me”) but the sentiment is worse. Public twitter accounts are by their nature public: if you want to restrict access to your account to the kind of people you want following you, your account should be private.   I endorsed Dr Brooke Magnanti’s call for support for Lydia that sex workers should mass follow @realmrscommuter in an attempt to protest her excluding Lydia from her followers. @realmrscommuter followed this with a number of…(Read More)

Blog Carnival Day 2: My workshops and activism…

Last weekend I did a flying visit to London to co-facilitate a workshop for a full day of feminist Sex and Relationships Education for adults called The S Word. I have been asked to run this or very similar workshops several times in recent months, so I’d like to tell you a little about it here, since many people reading this blog may be more familiar with my delicious one-to-one sessions than with my outreach/advocacy/activism. I actually first encountered the phrase consent culture when I first started meeting communities of sex-positive activists, artists and performers in London a few years ago. This was pretty much the same time that I started thinking seriously about inequality in our society and trying to do something about it through different kinds of activism and political stuff. Now, most of the activism that I do is on a more micro/local level. I try to change people’s minds by talking to them on a one-to-one level, or facilitating a kind of dialogue where we both question ourselves and come up with answers together, or even end with more questions. It is more rewarding to me to make change I can see and measure. If one…(Read More)

Celebrating Eroticon 2013: a mini-blog carnival

I am sure you will all have noticed my silence on social media over the Christmas and New Year: no blogging and even no twitter (gasp!) Thankfully, I’m gradually leaving my winter hibernation now and crawling, eyes blinking into a new social spring. Those of you following on twitter will have noticed the tail-end of my house move. That lengthy process plus a short period of ill health were a few of the many reasons for my blog neglect. Apologies again! In celebration of new motivations and my appearance at Eroticon during the first weekend in March, I am going to have a little blog carnival of my own! I hereby vow to publish all the things I have written, half-written, considered and procrastinated over, and catch you up with my doings over the past couple of months. I’ll write about some of the workshops I’ve given, and likely talk about some politics stuff. And lingerie (obv!). I’d firstly like to mention a few of my own blogging inspirations… These are all-but-one safe-for-work links, since I’ve decided in future I’d like this blog to let you know a bit more about who I am as a person. Not everything I…(Read More)

Everyone knows that I pretty much hate having my photo taken. I have called it my least favourite part of this work, and I am not joking when I say I prefer doing my tax return. An industry friend of mine described it thus: “There is really nothing worse than standing in your smalls in front of someone and knowing that YOU are paying THEM for the privilege. I object to it on every level…” But it isn’t the role reversal that I object to so much. I have long been interested in fashion, beauty, colour, style and I have been the same weight (give or take half a size in either direction) since my early teens. Yet I have a strong dissociation with my own body image. Since I was a child, I rarely identified with the person I saw in the mirror or in photographs of myself, so I find looking at pictures of myself distressing. It isn’t quite the body dysmorphia associated with eating disorders (and I have eaten healthily for the greater portion of my life… counting chocolate as an essential vitamin) but maybe has something of that same strong dissociation. I do feel that my happiness…(Read More)

The things only hosiery nerds need to know…

If you don’t already know about my penchant for vintage-style lingerie and stockings, you are probably in the wrong place. Never knowingly underdressed, I have attended just a handful of appointments during the last two years *without* the much-mentioned stockings and seams. Almost the last thing I do before I welcome a new person into my arms for an appointment is bend over in the mirror to stretch on a pair of gossamer-fine stockings. I find it a deeply satisfying auto-erotic experience. Fewer stockings than you would think come with seams. Seams are a throw-back to a time when stockings were made with a particular kind of machine which couldn’t make the tube shape now used in industrial manufacture of all kinds of woollens. *Very* few stockings are “fully fashioned” – meaning they are made with traditional non-stretchy fabric, and so must be “fashioned” into leg/foot shapes instead of stretching onto the body like tights. Since I wear stockings with seams on a regular basis, I’ve done plenty of research into the procurement of them. This post is partly to champion to the world my new find, which is stockings by Beyond Retro, a London vintage store. These stockings are…(Read More)

Hooker-tainment at Edinburgh Fringe

  Assaulted with jokes about sex workers from the very first show I saw at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe festival, I’m trying to understand why we’re supposedly the edgiest, funniest material on everyone’s lips right now. In fairness, I’ve steered well clear of the usual and big name stand up comedy here, but I can’t help believing that if it is as misogynistic as reported then sex workers will get an even rougher deal from Edinburgh’s Fringe jokers.   I hated Sarah Louise-Young’s deeply offensive porn-star character in Cabaret Whore on almost every level but its child abuse mention was almost lost in the rest of its tired, classist sex worker stereotypes. I was so glad her Eastern European sex worker character had been dropped. Other offenders: I have caught at least two mentions of ping-pong shows in Thailand; jokes of being sold into teenage prostitution in Amsterdam and non-serious attempts at whoring to fund the show itself by more than one performer.   Now that racism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia are less acceptable in main-stream entertainment, it seems like sex workers are really the only ‘other’ people to pick on. Because that’s the real reason that this kind of comedy…(Read More)

Lovely London people! I am sure that you have read in the last post the sad news (sad for you, jolly for me) that I have skipped the steaming metropolis for some better quality life in the beautiful city of Edinburgh. BUT! It is not all bad news. I plan to be back in London every 4-6weeks to see those dear regular clients who I have met over the last 2 years, and the few new lovely people who I choose to see during my visits. My first visit will be in early/mid September: Friday 7th September and then Tuesday11th and Wednesday 12th September. Advance booking is absolutely essential; many clients missed seeing me just before I left London in late July and as always, I won’t take many appointments. Subject to demand, I may add an extra date on Monday 24th September, or I may see those clients in my October visit. Best of all news though, just before leaving London I made TWO new fabulous friends for threesomes, which are very popular with my clients, who know that it’s a genuine pleasure for me and that I won’t recommend a colleague unless I know the same to be…(Read More)

NEWS: the overdue Edinburgh update…

Hello lovely people! More of an admin type post again, I’m afraid. I’ve got LOTS of news to share! People who keep an eye on my Adultwork profile will know some of this news already, and I have started slowly updating the copy on the other pages on my website, so it already reflects some of the changes that I’ve been making recently. Regular clients and some colleagues will also know that the biggest change is that I’m no longer in London as a permanent base. I’ve made my home there for 8 years, but a change is as good as a rest, and I badly need a rest! In the months leading up to the Olympics, I found London very stressful and tiring. People seemed constantly rushed and the city was so full with less of the payoff I’ve come to expect from London: amazing people and wonderful events. I do however have a few important requirements of a place to live, mostly the kind of things you expect from a good-size city: vintage shops, yoga studios and a thriving arts scene. I’m sure you’ll agree Edinburgh is a great choice! I also moved up here at a perfect…(Read More)