5 ways to be my perfect client…

I started writing this as a list of things I *didn’t* like people to do, and realised it sounded rather negative and down-beat. I actually meet overwhelmingly nice people, most of whom already do all or most of these things. But perhaps if you’ve tried to approach me or another provider and been turned back, improving on one or more of these things might change your chances of a date with me or whoever you’d like to see in the future…

I’ve included some links at the bottom for more general tips on being a good client, since the things I discuss here are things that please *me* in particular, may not be useful for another service provider, and of course are in addition to all the usual caveats about safer sex and hygiene… Take a look at the links if you’re in any doubt or need further guidance.

1. Respect my time. At least 20% of my twitter feed/IRL discussions with sex workers is complaints about timewasters. The scourge of our industry (although not *only* ours), people who are wasting my time come in many forms. The best way to respect my time is to:

a) start with a simple introduction to yourself, so I know roughly what you’re about, possibly by email, or just a sentence if we’re on the phone;

b) outline clearly any enquiries you might have, having first checked online for the information you’re seeking;

c) fulfil any requirements I may ask of you promptly (booking requests, security questions, answering my queries;

d) turn up on time and stay the agreed time;

e) feel free to correspond with me by email between sessions, but if your email isn’t booking another appointment, do expect to wait for an answer.

Should be obvious, no?

2. Tell me how you found me! A clear answer to this will endear you to me in no uncertain terms. “On the internet” is not a suitable answer to this question, since I ONLY advertise on the internet. Mention any directory website, any search terms you used to lead you to my website, or how you filtered a search on listings. The reasons for this are two-fold: firstly it’s a kind of market research for me. Should I spend time improving a certain profile? Do good clients come through particular websites? Is there information missing on a specific page?

Secondly, it helps me understand more about what you were looking for. If you literally searched for ‘stockings with seams’, I know to plan carefully to avoid the once-in-a-blue-moon-occasion when I wear alternative hosiery for our date.


3. Know your name! This sounds weird, but lately, I’ve rejected a client or two based upon their lack of ability to keep their identity consistent. I’m aware that some of my clients use an assumed name with me, for their privacy. I respect that as much as I hope my identity is also respected. However, there’s few things that make me more edgy than “Dave” texting me to say he’s sent an email, only for me to open his email signed “Mark”. It seems dodgy, no? Better still, it’s fine to tell me your real name. If you’re seeing me for an outcall, you’re going to have to anyway, for my security procedure. The only time I’m going to tell anyone about our rendez-vous would be the police, in the unlikely event you were to commit a crime against me. In which case, a fake name isn’t going to protect you against DNA testing, is it? My discretion is as important as yours and I’m aware of the Data Protection Act, although I’m not sure it’s ever been used for/against any sex workers.


4. Know what you want: I’m aware this might be more difficult for some, and may necessitate some enquries before you’re sure, but I think a basic understanding of your needs is pretty useful for you if you’re going to expect me to fulfil them in a satisfactory manner. This probably means you need to be fairly honest with yourself, especially if you want something along the more fantasy/fetish spectrums. I love clients who tell me clearly and with adequate detail, their wishes, desires and needs. It honestly makes me delighted when someone can describe their hopes simply and honestly; I think the world would be a better place if this happened in most interactions, actually.

Organic Lube

5. Communicate with me well! This touches on most of the above points, but includes a good balance between ideally email/phone/text methods of contact. For me, phone is best for queries that I don’t already answer online, or to book follow-up appointments. Email/booking requests are my favourite method for an actual appointment booking/confirmation, ideally bearing in mind the above points. Texts are great for on-the-day communication; after confirmation of our appointment “On time and looking forward to seeing you” is a great way to make me a) sure you’re turning up b) not panic about time-frames if I have to rush off after our appointment c) be comfortable and look forward to seeing you too! Perhaps you’ve heard the saying “Communication is the best lube…” This is a mantra for good sex but I think better communication makes for happiness all around, not just in the bedroom.


Other links on the subject:

Kitty Stryker’s Tips on Being a Good Client

The Internet Escort’s Handbook article on What Makes A Good Client?

SW5 Guide to the law and general advice on being a good client



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